Beautiful Blogging ~ Self-Esteem Part I

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent" or "I am incompetent") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame.* So, how's your self-esteem?  I find that time and time again, women tend to experience a negative self-esteem.  Why is that?  Well, we can all surmise a myriad of reasons; the media, our parents, our spouse, and other external circumstances.  While these may all be true, the bottom line is: WE CREATE OUR OWN SELF-ESTEEM!  Yes, ladies, it's true.  We decide our own fate and the fact of the matter is that you may be degrading yourself!

How can this be you ask?  Why the media tells me I must look like a supermodel and that's not possible.  Estee Lauder and Elizabeth Arden tell me I must use their makeup or forget it, I will be ugly forever; my parents told me I was stupid and would never amount to anything.  Yep, that's all true too.  But, as an adult we choose!  We choose to feel good about ourselves or not.  We do this by how we "talk" to ourselves or what is known as "self-talk." 

Here's a quick test you can take to measure your self-esteem.  Why don't you take a quick break and complete it and come back here. 

So, how did  you do?  I wouldn't be surprised if many did not do as well as you thought.  What to do?  The answer is simple  yet requires your time and consistency in making a permanent change.  The website you just visited (I hope) has some answers.

• Focus on achievements.  Very important! 
• Make plans for the future.  Stop procrastinating and start planning. 
• Focus on what you like about yourself and stop highlighing what you think are your defects.  We all have strengths and we all have things we would change.  So, if you can change, do it.  If you can't, why focus on it? 

Again, all of this is so true.  However, please keep in mind that our goals need to be realistic.  For example if you're a 5'4" tall and you goal is to be a supermodel, you're probably setting yourself up for failure as we all know supermodels tend to be very tall.  So be reasonable with yourself.  Set goals that you can realistically achieve.  Also, remember to establish objectives or "small steps" to that goal.  Most goals take time and energy and we feel more productive and successful  when we establish objectives.  For example, I knew since I was in high school that I wanted to obtain a Masters Degree in Social Work.  I started attending college right out of high school but was side tracked a multitude of times for various reasons.  However, I never gave up on that goal.  I focused on what I achieved rather than what my ultimate goal was and it helped me feel successful and stay focused.  Do you know old I was when I obtained my masters degree?  32 years old!  Yep, that's correct, I was 32 after starting out at 18 but I was on top of the world the day I received my diploma.  More importantly, I never gave up.

While achievements are part of how we feel about ourselves, the vast majority of our self-esteem comes from our self-talk ~ recall the old phrase "the glass is half full.  Our style of self-talk generally develops in childhood and becomes a pattern - negative or positive.  Moreover, many of us don't even realize which type we tend to engage in.  But, if your measure of self-esteem is low, you can be sure your style is negative! 

I will devote next week's Beautiful Blogging post to self-talk.  Since it impacts our self-esteem, our anxiety and stress level, and our mood, I would like to share some strategies on how to change your self-talk from negative to positive.  Remember, it's a pattern of behavior, thus we can change this pattern.

ADDED 7/29/10 - please visit my friend Pam's blog to view her post on creative coping http://kittyandmedesigns.blogspot.com/

 Have a wonderful week!

OXOXOX,
Jacalyn


*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem