Beautiful Blogging - Beating the Winter Blues

So the holidays are over and the reality of Winter has set in.  Cold, ice, snow, lack of sunshine, ugh!!!!!  If you're like me then you're already counting down the days until Spring - flowers, sun, warmth,  - ahhhhh...  For some of you that will start next month.  For others, March.  Still for some of us even later.  Here in Western New York we sometimes have to wait until April!  This time of year can lead to frustration, dysphoria, and the "Winter Blues." 

The good news is that you can beat those ol' Winter time blues!  Here are some tips that can help us through:

• Maintain your schedule and routine!  This can be hard to do when it's cold and windy but it is oh so important.  Get up about the same time each day, eat your meals about the same time, and complete at least one task each day.  I know it's so easy to hibernate but it's not helpful.
• Exercise!  I think we all know the benefit of exercise these days, both mentally and physically.  While it's easier to exercise when the sun is shining, don't forget we need these benefits all year long!  Exercise not only relieves stress but it also releases endorphins, the "feel good" hormones.
• Eat healthy!  I think we all tend to indulge a bit around the holidays but try to get back on track.  We need to eat good quality food to maintain our energy level.  So think about what you're eating, particularly if you're appetite is a bit suppressed.
• Schedule fun activities!  Again, I think this is so much easier in the warmer months but still as important during the Winter.  You may need to be creative, but schedule something you enjoy at least once a week.  See a movie, go to a favorite restaurant, spend some time at your local bookstore, take a walk - whatever you deem fun, do it!
• Socialize!  Don't hibernate all Winter.  Spend time with friends and family.
• Laugh!  We all need a good laugh right?  It's a great stress reliever and can make any day brighter.  Watch a funny movie or hang out with those who make you laugh.
• Engage regularly in stress-reducing activities!  What helps you relax?  Exercise? Journaling?  Friends?  A hot bath?  A good book?  Whatever that is for you, engage in it!
• If your symptoms persist or are severe please seek medical assistance.  Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real disorder that is more severe than the "Winter blues" that can successfully be treated.  You don't have to suffer.

This list is certainly not exhaustive and is in no way intended to replace professional medical care.  But is can certainly help those of us who need a little boost this winter. 

In the meantime think of this...

Have a wonderful week!

OXOXOX,

Jacalyn

Beautiful Blogging and Holiday Stress

Yay, it's the Holiday Season!  I absolutely love the holidays - the lights, the gifts, the music, the food, the hustle and bustle... I love it all.  But, the holiday season also brings about significant stress for many of us.  The lights, the gifts, the music, the food... all contribute to this.  So I have some tips that might prove helpful to all of us this year in keeping stress to a minimum.  Yes, I know, we have probably all heard this before but I think it's helpful to read through them again.

• Set Priorities - this means that maybe you really can't do it all and you need to decide what is most important to you.  For example, do you need to send 100 Holiday cards out or can you just send a few to those closest to you.  Also, how many batches of cookies do you really need? 
• Simplify - again, choose what's important and maybe do things on a smaller scale.  Instead of baking yourself, what about getting something from a bakery or participating in a cookie exchange where you only bake 1 or 2 kinds and exchange with several friends and family members.
• Maintain reasonable expectations about "togetherness" - you don't have to attend every holiday event you're invited to nor do you have to invite everyone to your home.  Keep in mind too that "too much" togetherness can create a lot of stress!  Conversely, if you have little family near you invite friends over for a get together and/or volunteer your time to help others throughout the holiday season.
• Establishing a schedule can be immensely helpful!  After you decide what is important to you make a schedule to complete tasks and don't forget to delegate!  Don't attempt to complete everything yourself and don't be afraid to delegate!
• Maintain your own schedule, meaning stick to your exercise routine, eating and sleep habits and schedule down time.  I know there will be some variation of course, but try to maintain your schedule as best you can.  Eating well, getting enough sleep, and regular exercise are key components in managing stress.
• Nurture yourself - take a hot bubble bath, read a book, hit the gym - whatever you enjoy - just do it on a regular basis!
• Set a budget and stick to it - decide what you can afford to spend and stick to it!  Don't stress yourself out assuming you need to spend a lot of money on gifts.  I think gifts just need to be thoughtful and relevant to the person, not necessarily expensive.  Consider browsing thrift shops and re purposing an item you know someone would love.  Also, bake some goodies  or create cookies or soup jars to give as gifts.  There's tons of recipes on the Internet for creating cookie jars and you can buy canning jars inexpensively.  Simply place a pretty tag and ribbon on it.  Easy and cheap!

Holidays are supposed to be fun!  I really like to enjoy everything the seasons brings and keep stress to a minimum.  I have decided to spend less money this year and we never use credit cards anymore.  That certainly minimizes any worries about money in the New Year.  I would love to hear your strategies for minimizing stress this holiday season.

Happy Holidays!

Hugs,
Jacalyn

Source

Beautiful Blogging ~ Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Click here to visit http://www.carolsutton.net/pinkribbon.html

As you most likely know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  As such, I thought I would dedicate this Beautiful Blogging post to some key points in maintaining our breast health.  Of course I am not a medical professional and I am in no way offering any medical advice.  I just thought I would pass along some information that may be helpful.  Any questions or concerns about your breast health should most certainly be discussed with your health care professional.

~I think you would have to live under a rock if you didn't know that mammograms should be done yearly on women over 40.  I know that there has been some discussion about the benefit of women under 50 having mammograms but the best thing to do is speak with your doctor.  The guidelines have not changed as far as I can determine.  Click here to read more about mammograms.  While they are a tad uncomfortable, they are an awesome diagnostic tool and should not be disregarded.  A mammogram can detect changes even before you can feel the changes.

~It is important not to dismiss any changes in your breasts.  Of course we know that a lump may be indicative of a problem but look for other changes too.  A rash, changes in the nipple and other symptoms may also indicate a problem that you should speak with your doctor about.  Click here to read more about symptoms.

~It is essential to complete a breast self-exam so that you are familiar with your breasts in terms of texture, size, and skin condition.  Exams should be done at least monthly and should be done a few days after your period.  Even if you have gone through menopause, exams need to be completed each month.  Click here for a great guide on examining your breasts correctly.  Click here for a free print out on Breast Self-Exam.

~Click here to read about potential risk factors in breast cancer from the Susan G. Koman Foundation site. 

Please be sure and take care of your breast health!  It doesn't consume that much time and when detected early, survival rates are much higher.

Have a wonderful week!

Hugs,
Jacalyn

Beautiful Blogging ~ a not so beautiful topic ~ Domestic Violence

I thought I would tackle a tough issue this week!  In my work as a therapist I meet so many woman who are being abused that don't even realize it!  Of course physically abused women are quite aware they are being abused but what about other forms of abuse?  I found this definitions from http://www.domesticviolence.org/definition/ and I think it is quite accurate. "Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating."

Examples of abuse include:
■name-calling or put downs
■keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends

■withholding money

■stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job

■actual or threatened physical harm

■sexual assault

■stalking

■intimidation
 
Understand that domestic violence is about CONTROL! It is never the victim's fault nor do we ASK for it!  It is about CONTROL!!!!!  So often I hear "well it was my fault.. or I egged him on... or I hit him too."  The fact of the matter is people don't "egg" anyone on because we are all responsible for how we react or respond to any situation.  Moreover, it is not all that uncommon for victims to begin fighting back as they grow weary of the abuse.
 
Domestic Violence can include physical, sexual, emotional, financial, & verbal abuse.  Below is the Power & Control Wheel which is a great tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent relationships in which the perpetrator uses to control his partner.
 

You can find this here which you'll be able to read a bit better.  Or click on the picture for a larger view.  After reviewing the Power and Control Wheel do you perhaps see yourself?  Or someone you know?  It is hard to know exactly how common domestic violence is because it often goes unreported.  Please note that domestic violence affects everyone - no matter your race, education level, or income level.  While I realize that I am focusing on women, men too can be victims.

Domestic violence is cyclical which means it generally follows a pattern or cycle.  It begins with an "incident" or some form of dv, which is then followed by the "makin up" stage which is followed by the "calm" (aka the honeymoon stage) which is followed by the "tension building" stage.  Of course not all dv relationships follow this cycle and the making up  and calm stages may even disappear.  For more information please visit http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/

 
I really get disturbed when I hear remarks such as "why doesn't she just leave him?"  Obviously if it were that simple most would just walk away.  However, many women are psychologically "beaten down," financially controlled, or don't believe for whatever reason that they can escape. 
 
Where to Turn for Help
In an emergency:

Call 911 if you need immediate assistance or have already been hurt.

For advice and support:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

For a safe place to stay:
Call your state’s branch of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or another local organization. For contact information, visit State Resources.

Click here for the source
 
Most every community has some type of shelter or emergency assistance for those experiencing domestic violence.  Look in your local phone book or go to the sites listed above.  Be sure to use a "safe" computer where the perpetrator does not have access to.
 
Of course this post only scratches the surface of domestic violence.  Please check out these sites for further information:
~The National Domestic Violence Hot line - http://www.thehotline.org/
~Domestic Violence.org - http://www.domesticviolence.org/
~Helpguide - http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
~Women's Law - http://www.womenslaw.org/
 
Or of course you can always "google" domestic violence and get a ton of information.
 
OXOXOX,
Jacalyn

Beautiful Blogging ~ Self-Esteem Part I

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent" or "I am incompetent") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame.* So, how's your self-esteem?  I find that time and time again, women tend to experience a negative self-esteem.  Why is that?  Well, we can all surmise a myriad of reasons; the media, our parents, our spouse, and other external circumstances.  While these may all be true, the bottom line is: WE CREATE OUR OWN SELF-ESTEEM!  Yes, ladies, it's true.  We decide our own fate and the fact of the matter is that you may be degrading yourself!

How can this be you ask?  Why the media tells me I must look like a supermodel and that's not possible.  Estee Lauder and Elizabeth Arden tell me I must use their makeup or forget it, I will be ugly forever; my parents told me I was stupid and would never amount to anything.  Yep, that's all true too.  But, as an adult we choose!  We choose to feel good about ourselves or not.  We do this by how we "talk" to ourselves or what is known as "self-talk." 

Here's a quick test you can take to measure your self-esteem.  Why don't you take a quick break and complete it and come back here. 

So, how did  you do?  I wouldn't be surprised if many did not do as well as you thought.  What to do?  The answer is simple  yet requires your time and consistency in making a permanent change.  The website you just visited (I hope) has some answers.

• Focus on achievements.  Very important! 
• Make plans for the future.  Stop procrastinating and start planning. 
• Focus on what you like about yourself and stop highlighing what you think are your defects.  We all have strengths and we all have things we would change.  So, if you can change, do it.  If you can't, why focus on it? 

Again, all of this is so true.  However, please keep in mind that our goals need to be realistic.  For example if you're a 5'4" tall and you goal is to be a supermodel, you're probably setting yourself up for failure as we all know supermodels tend to be very tall.  So be reasonable with yourself.  Set goals that you can realistically achieve.  Also, remember to establish objectives or "small steps" to that goal.  Most goals take time and energy and we feel more productive and successful  when we establish objectives.  For example, I knew since I was in high school that I wanted to obtain a Masters Degree in Social Work.  I started attending college right out of high school but was side tracked a multitude of times for various reasons.  However, I never gave up on that goal.  I focused on what I achieved rather than what my ultimate goal was and it helped me feel successful and stay focused.  Do you know old I was when I obtained my masters degree?  32 years old!  Yep, that's correct, I was 32 after starting out at 18 but I was on top of the world the day I received my diploma.  More importantly, I never gave up.

While achievements are part of how we feel about ourselves, the vast majority of our self-esteem comes from our self-talk ~ recall the old phrase "the glass is half full.  Our style of self-talk generally develops in childhood and becomes a pattern - negative or positive.  Moreover, many of us don't even realize which type we tend to engage in.  But, if your measure of self-esteem is low, you can be sure your style is negative! 

I will devote next week's Beautiful Blogging post to self-talk.  Since it impacts our self-esteem, our anxiety and stress level, and our mood, I would like to share some strategies on how to change your self-talk from negative to positive.  Remember, it's a pattern of behavior, thus we can change this pattern.

ADDED 7/29/10 - please visit my friend Pam's blog to view her post on creative coping http://kittyandmedesigns.blogspot.com/

 Have a wonderful week!

OXOXOX,
Jacalyn


*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem

Beautiful Blogging ~

Welcome to this week's BB post! To start, I did choose a winner from last week's posts yesterday afternoon but I haven't heard back from her. If I don't hear back by later today I will draw another name! BTW, thank you for all of your great suggestions last week! I do plan on addressing them in future posts so please check back each week!

This week's BB is a few tips on managing stress! We all experience stress everyday in our lives! I often tell my clients that just getting out of bed in our society is stressful! How many of us jump out of bed and immediately begin thinking about the day's "to-do" list? We all seem to try to jam as much as we can into our day. Did you know that when we are stressed our heart rate and blood pressure rise! Plus, we are releasing adrenaline too. That is why stress can lead to physiological problems, like hypertension, down the road. So here are my suggestions and please feel free to add your own!

• Make yourself a priority! I can't tell you how many times women tell me "I just don't have time." The reality really is that you MUST make time. If we don't care for ourselves how in the world can we possibly take care of anyone or anything else!
• Exercise! I know, I know, we hear this all of the time but the fact is that it's such an important ingredient in our lives! Exercise relieves stress, releases endorphins (the "feel good" hormone), and helps us manage a healthy weight. Of course you don't need to go to the gym. There are oodles of ways to achieve this ~ gardening, bike riding, walking, engaging in sports etc... Find what YOU like and do it!
• Avoid caffeine! Yep, I am the original caffeine queen and I know most of us like to indulge! But, when you're stressed or anxious adding caffeine to the mix via coffee, tea, chocolate etc.. will only further aid to your problems. Caffeine of course is a stimulant so imagine what your rev-ed up body already feels and then add more!
• Deep breathe! This is huge! When we are stressed we tend to have very shallow breathing so deep breathing immediately calms us. Here's a great breathing exercise to try but remember you don't have to lie down. Just make sure that you sit comfortable and allow the exercise to work.
• Plan a fun activity! Make sure you schedule enjoyable activities in your schedule. We all need something to look forward to. Plus, it can help us get through those less enjoyable activities!
• Laugh! It truly is one of the best "medicines" we can use! So socialize, play, laugh. All great ways to relieve stress!
• Self-nurture! This means you do something EVERYDAY that makes YOU feel good. This doesn't have to be a long activity but it has to be something that is meaningful to you and only you can define what is meaningful to you. Personally, I love mindless computer games and a long hot bubble bath with a good book!

There really are many, many ways to relieve stress as I have only listed a few. The most important thing to remember is to pay attention to your body and LISTEN to what it is saying. Tight shoulders, shallow breathing, upset stomach, etc... are all ways our body is telling us that we are stressed. Now that you've heard, what will you do?

Have a wonderful week!
Hugs,
Jacalyn