Beautiful Blogging ~ a not so beautiful topic ~ Domestic Violence

I thought I would tackle a tough issue this week!  In my work as a therapist I meet so many woman who are being abused that don't even realize it!  Of course physically abused women are quite aware they are being abused but what about other forms of abuse?  I found this definitions from http://www.domesticviolence.org/definition/ and I think it is quite accurate. "Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating."

Examples of abuse include:
■name-calling or put downs
■keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends

■withholding money

■stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job

■actual or threatened physical harm

■sexual assault

■stalking

■intimidation
 
Understand that domestic violence is about CONTROL! It is never the victim's fault nor do we ASK for it!  It is about CONTROL!!!!!  So often I hear "well it was my fault.. or I egged him on... or I hit him too."  The fact of the matter is people don't "egg" anyone on because we are all responsible for how we react or respond to any situation.  Moreover, it is not all that uncommon for victims to begin fighting back as they grow weary of the abuse.
 
Domestic Violence can include physical, sexual, emotional, financial, & verbal abuse.  Below is the Power & Control Wheel which is a great tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent relationships in which the perpetrator uses to control his partner.
 

You can find this here which you'll be able to read a bit better.  Or click on the picture for a larger view.  After reviewing the Power and Control Wheel do you perhaps see yourself?  Or someone you know?  It is hard to know exactly how common domestic violence is because it often goes unreported.  Please note that domestic violence affects everyone - no matter your race, education level, or income level.  While I realize that I am focusing on women, men too can be victims.

Domestic violence is cyclical which means it generally follows a pattern or cycle.  It begins with an "incident" or some form of dv, which is then followed by the "makin up" stage which is followed by the "calm" (aka the honeymoon stage) which is followed by the "tension building" stage.  Of course not all dv relationships follow this cycle and the making up  and calm stages may even disappear.  For more information please visit http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/

 
I really get disturbed when I hear remarks such as "why doesn't she just leave him?"  Obviously if it were that simple most would just walk away.  However, many women are psychologically "beaten down," financially controlled, or don't believe for whatever reason that they can escape. 
 
Where to Turn for Help
In an emergency:

Call 911 if you need immediate assistance or have already been hurt.

For advice and support:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

For a safe place to stay:
Call your state’s branch of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or another local organization. For contact information, visit State Resources.

Click here for the source
 
Most every community has some type of shelter or emergency assistance for those experiencing domestic violence.  Look in your local phone book or go to the sites listed above.  Be sure to use a "safe" computer where the perpetrator does not have access to.
 
Of course this post only scratches the surface of domestic violence.  Please check out these sites for further information:
~The National Domestic Violence Hot line - http://www.thehotline.org/
~Domestic Violence.org - http://www.domesticviolence.org/
~Helpguide - http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
~Women's Law - http://www.womenslaw.org/
 
Or of course you can always "google" domestic violence and get a ton of information.
 
OXOXOX,
Jacalyn